why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
She needs sedatives and a leash
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.