her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
She said her name was "party"
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.