New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
