do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
