he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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