Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm bleeding and have questions
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
