I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my being single is dangerous.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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