We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
