why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
