I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
