I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
