Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
