I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
