i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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