Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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