I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
