No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
