chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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