There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
