Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
