She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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