I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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