girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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