yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
