I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
