did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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