Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
