I didn't shave. On purpose
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
