Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
