We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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