i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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