Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
