I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
