Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
The air taste purple.
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