It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
