I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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