You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
