3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
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He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
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Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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