Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
