Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
