I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
bring money and cleavage
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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