using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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