when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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