U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
