Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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