And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
