I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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