her vagine was all disorganized.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My Sexting was not on an AP level
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
How naked do you want me to be?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
