I will die if light touches me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
