smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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