Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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