i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
