He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
