the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
