I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
