If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
