i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Randomize
