Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
