there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
