it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
