Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
