Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
