Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
