My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
