happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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