she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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