Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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