Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
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