normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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