those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
